The Death of Her Soul
by remember-nomore
Summary: Lindsey goes to Angel for help but Tara discovers the meeting had disasterious results. The prequel to TwoHundred Years.


She never hated the sight and smell of blood as she did now. Her hands were covered; her clothes were soaked with his blood and in her mind burned the image of his body, the way his life slowly drained from him.

She'd lost her soul months ago, but the guilt of humanity still stuck with her, it was such a burden that it caused him to go to the man that could be – and was – his end.

But it was for her. It was for her and he knew that it was a risk, but a risk worth taking. The two of them being together was all about risks and chances; this shouldn't have been anything new.

He left when she was sleeping; leaving her unaware that as he slipped from their bed that he was never going to come back. He'd never smile at her in that special way he did, he would never hold her, never make love to her. He'd never be there to tell her that she was everything to him, more than anything he never hoped he'd have or deserve.

She was pulled from her sleep by his absence, feeling incomplete in the empty bed without his arm wrapped around her, or his warm breath warming a slow and steady path along her neck.

It was that absence that pulled her to the hotel, almost knowing that he'd go there and she knew that anything that happened wasn't going to have good results.

The sight before her eyes when she walked into the hotel was something out of a nightmare, it was something that the demon inside her lusted and wanted – the smell of it intoxicating and making her crave – but when she saw whose blood it was…

She could have sworn her heart shattered. Everything inside her ripped into shreds and for the first time since they met she truly felt hollow.

"Oh god, Lindsey." She found herself by his side, kneeling in his blood and pulling him into her arms. "What did you do? What…"

"Couldn't see you hurtin' anymore, thought he'd help." He laughed slightly and choked on blood. She used her sleeve to wipe his mouth, her hand frantically looking for where he was hurt as she tried to think of some way to help him. "Didn't work."

"You shouldn't have. Lindsey, we were fine!" She felt that ache inside again, that hollow feeling that threatened to drown her and she was far too gone to fight it. "W-where's your cell phone. Let me get help…"

"Ain't nothing they can do for me now, Tara. It's too late…" His voice trailed off like he had an idea, a memory and when their eyes met all she could do was bite her lip and shake her head.

He was asking for something she'd denied him time and time again. But now… things were different, he needed it. He needed it to be there for her and…

"Oh god, I can't. Lindsey…" How could she do to him what she couldn't stand in herself? How could she take the only good thing in her life and poison him, turn and change him making him wicked and evil. As much as he protested it she always said that he was her soul, that he was the one thing that she was missing in her life and wouldn't want him any other way. "I can't lose you… but I don't… I don't think I c-can…"

She smelled the copper of his blood before she saw his hand come up to her face, touching her like he had so many times. "Stop that," he whispered softly, brushing the tears from her face.

"Don't leave me." Was all she could plea. "Please. I can't lose you… please. Fight, damnit." Her voice was strained and rough, the ache coming to her throat and she pressed her hand hard on his stomach; making a feeble attempt to stop the wound from bleeding.

There was another scent in the room; it made her look up from her bleeding lover and her eyes narrowed at the man.

"Angel," she spat, standing up reluctantly and narrowing her eyes at him. He still had the sword in one hand, slick with Lindsey's blood and a stake in the other. "Why? He came to you for help and this is how you help him?"

Before she could say anything else he came towards her, a struggle between the two broke out. Both wary of the stake more than the sword for the moment; the ability for either of them becoming dust greater at the end of the table leg.

Without a word Angel lunged towards her, on instinct Tara twisted away, dodging the blade by less than an inch. Regaining her footing, Tara turned and slammed her boot into Angel's left kidney, grinning as he grunted and gripped his side.

Angel gained his balance again and spun to face Tara, his fangs bared. She darted her eyes back and forth from Angel to the stake in his hand. "Don't worry, you'll be joining him soon." His tone was dark and Tara looked down, noticing Lindsey's movement was less than it was before, his heartbeat almost too slow for her to hear.

Taking her moment of distraction, Angel came towards her again, catching her off guard. Quickly she spun around again and kicked him hard in the knee, her foot landing in Lindsey's blood causing her to loose her footing.

She found herself pinned to the ground, her hair becoming slick and matted with blood, her eyes turning towards her lover – her everything – and finding nothing but blank eyes staring at her, leaving the painful choice of turning him far from her grasp.

Her rage-filled scream echoed in the room, her knees curling up and pushing Angel off of her, her blood boiling and every ounce of her filled with grief that she fueled and turned to blinding rage. "You took him from me. You took everything I had from me. He was everything. He was my soul."

"You don't have a soul," he said flatly, coming towards her as she ducked away.

"I won't stop till you have nothing left either, Angelus. No soul, no friends… nothing. Just like me." A cruel smirk crossed her lips. "Don't worry; I'll bury you with your precious Buffy… maybe." The corner of her lips turned up in a small smile, the memory of Spike once saying he wanted to bury Angelus ass up so he could park his bike crossing her mind.

Her thoughts were broken when Angel came lunging towards her, she grabbed onto his arm and hit him hard in the ribs, her feet slipping on Lindsey's blood as she tried to keep balance. Tara found herself thankful that Lindsey had taught her some basic moves if they ever came across trouble. Thinking about it, he was most likely worried about Angel hurting her than anything.

Tara was going to make sure that Angel was the one hurting now.

It took great effort but she managed to get out of there that night, taking Lindsey's limp body with her back to their apartment. She broke down finally, sobs racking her body that rivaled the ones she had when her soul was ripped from her. Tara never knew she could feel mortal like this again, but Lindsey always had a way of making her feel more than she was.

She wasn't sure what to do with his body, there really wasn't a place to bury him, but she found one. She found a darkened corner of the cemetery that they would go to, Lindsey's way of giving them a 'normal' moonlight picnic as he said on their third night together.

With his body cold beside her, Tara used magic to part the earth, her heart aching at the loss of her mate, the one she wanted to spend immortal her life with. The fact that she hesitated when she could have turned Lindsey haunted her, it made her hurt inside more then she had since she was turned.

Lindsey was put to rest under the thick tree, a spot where she could come to when she needed him, he'd always be there for her and she knew that. With reluctance she turned and walked away, heading back to the apartment to prepare herself for a battle that she would fight untilshe couldn't anymore. Her fight with Angel would only be finished when he was ash in a vial around her neck.


End file.
